forgiving hepls
how to forgive anyone—and why your health depends on it
WHAT, EXACTLY, DOES IT TAKE TO MOVE PAST A LIFETIME OF HURTS?
Study after study has found that forgiving is good for the body as well as the soul. It can lower blood pressure and heart rate and reduce levels of depression, anxiety, and anger. People who forgive generally have more and better relationships with others, feel happier and more hopeful, and score higher on just about every measure of psychological well-being.
The trouble is, most of us don't know how to do it. There's no playbook for forgiveness, no manual for getting past betrayals, disappointments, and hurts.
Grieving, after you have been wronged, means letting yourself feel the anger, hurt, and trauma in all its original pain—but not indefinitely. "After about two years, most people have had plenty of time to process, "Then they're ready to move on."
NOT MOVING ON—hanging on to resentment and rage—is TANTAMOUNT to having an existential tantrum,. "We think the world owes us, "But it doesn't. Babies die when they're born. Women are raped. Whole ethnic groups are wiped out. There's no such thing as fair. The guy who loses a parking space to a more aggressive driver thinks, "I want that parking space." A mother whose child has been murdered thinks, "I want my child to be alive." Either way, that's sometimes just not how it works."
A ripple of shock runs through the room. How can anyone compare losing a parking space to losing a child? "It's better not to get caught up in content. By content means each person's individual story, the source of her anger or hurt.
No matter what the offense the process of forgiveness is the same: You let go of anger and hurt by being mindful and focusing on gratitude and kindness. Again, the ripple runs around the table. That's it? A little mindful meditation and all is forgiven?. "Forgiveness concepts are simple. "IT'S THE EXECUTION THAT'S HARD."
The trouble is, most of us don't know how to do it. There's no playbook for forgiveness, no manual for getting past betrayals, disappointments, and hurts.
Grieving, after you have been wronged, means letting yourself feel the anger, hurt, and trauma in all its original pain—but not indefinitely. "After about two years, most people have had plenty of time to process, "Then they're ready to move on."
NOT MOVING ON—hanging on to resentment and rage—is TANTAMOUNT to having an existential tantrum,. "We think the world owes us, "But it doesn't. Babies die when they're born. Women are raped. Whole ethnic groups are wiped out. There's no such thing as fair. The guy who loses a parking space to a more aggressive driver thinks, "I want that parking space." A mother whose child has been murdered thinks, "I want my child to be alive." Either way, that's sometimes just not how it works."
A ripple of shock runs through the room. How can anyone compare losing a parking space to losing a child? "It's better not to get caught up in content. By content means each person's individual story, the source of her anger or hurt.
No matter what the offense the process of forgiveness is the same: You let go of anger and hurt by being mindful and focusing on gratitude and kindness. Again, the ripple runs around the table. That's it? A little mindful meditation and all is forgiven?. "Forgiveness concepts are simple. "IT'S THE EXECUTION THAT'S HARD."
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